Raven hair lightly tousled from lounging on the couch, Roxanne slipped to the floor and lifted one of the couch cushions to rummage around. After a few moments, a battered notebook was pulled from its hiding place, the cracked cover frail in her slender fingers. It was nothing special, really, just one of those spiral bound books that littered the school supply bins when there was a sale. Rox made sure to stock up on those when she could, squirreling one away in her favorite spot for when she was home long enough to relax. It held no particular order of secrets and pages were constantly being torn out to be discarded in the fireplace. But she did write, and that was what mattered. Talking to yourself was supposed to be therapeutic, yes? Only this time she penned a letter to her mother, who would grudgingly receive it.

Sylvia,

I know you want nothing to do with me. You made that blatantly obvious the last time I was in New York. The way you looked at me--like I was a cockroach and not your daughter--should have been enough to keep me from pursuing you any further. But I guess somewhere in the depths of the piece of shit I am, I am still prone to wanting my mother. My heart aches for you to accept me. I have spent so long wondering who you were and where you were that it's impossible for me to give up on you.

Do you even realize what it was like living with the Saarnes? Did you even care? Honestly, I don't believe you did. From what I was told, you were too young and afraid to consider the effects that your cowardice would have on my life. But you did keep me for two years, mom. Two years. You tried. Why did you stop trying?

I don't want your money. I just want you to fucking look at me, as a human being, and tell me why you didn't want me anymore. Tell me why you had to give me up to complete strangers who left these disgusting scars on my body. Why did you hand me over to the man who left me half blind and nearly dead? I want you to look me in the eye and see me for everything I have become, and I want you to know that you are part of that process. Stop being a coward and take responsibility. You couldn't back then, but you can now. Please. And it would be a nice bonus if you would tell me who my father is and where I can find him. Maybe he would like to see me.

But you should know that my life is not the disaster you'd expect it to be. Well, not anymore. I have a home and I have real friends now. Isn't that nice? To think that people who owe me nothing are willing to accept me as one of their own... it's wonderful. I haven't had that leisure in so long.. And they don't look at me the way you do. They smile like they are happy to see me. That probably isn't such a big deal to you, Miss Congresswoman, but you haven't had to live like a rat for the majority of your life. One of them even gets close enough to hold my hand. I don't think I can ever tell him how much that means to me.

Anyway, you'll be seeing me again. Stop avoiding me, please, because there are things I need to know before my life is through. I will leave you alone when I get what you owe. And believe me, I can make your life miserable if you keep making me chase you. It may damage your spotless reputation if your people knew what all your daughter has done in the course of eleven years.

Don't make me incriminate myself just to teach you humility.

With love,

Roxanne