Alot of bad stuff has happened recently. I'm writing this from the psychiatric hospital just out of town. I attacked someone with a knife, and i don't know why, i just couldnt control myself, i couldnt ignore the voices anymore. But now i'm stuck in here. Jessicka my guardian sent me here, to help me get better. I really don't want to be here though, i don't know any of the other patients. Well a couple of them talked to me a bit but i just didn't know what to say. And im scared to talk to the doctor about my problems.

Tessi watches Michelle as she sleeps-- all tired out from her cookie nahming during their visit with True. She pulls out Michelle's baby book and begins to write, wanting to poor out her feelings, but curbing them instead in an effort to protect Michelle from her Mother's despair.

My little cookie monster,

Tessi lies Michelle down for her morning nap and sits on the window ledge, staring at the dirty city outside her apartment window. She just stares for a moment, her mind racing over the latest drama pervading her simple life. Her thoughts begin to churn, fists clenching at her sides as her breath begins to quicken-- it was all too much. But opting to start with a healthy coping strategy, she forces herself to count to ten slowly and reaches for Michelle's baby book. In quick scratches, her pen flies across the first empty page she finds...

Boy-o. What a hecktic few days. I'll admit, work has been a little, slow. Not that I haven't attracted the right attention, I think at this point in my career, it's where I need to say "It's me, not you." It's not that I don't LIKE what I do, I love it. it's more that, I think I may have feelsing for someone, well, two people.

BeBe stood over Chance's grave on this sunny morning, just like she did every single morning since the day he was buried.  She never missed a morning, not ever.  The newly rising sun shown down on his tombstone as BeBe kneeled down to brush it off.  She smiled gently as she stood up, folding her arms over her expanding belly, her unborn daughter moving around.  BeBe tilted her head, letting out a sigh as she spoke to Chance.  

   So I had a crazy dream last night, much different than before. I literally jarred awake at it. Seemed pretty vivid to be a just a dream, was more like a memory. It's no secret that I have lacked memory of some things of my life, like something was clouding it. Mainly my time in med school was a blur at times and the fact that this girl is supposed to be my daughter. But the crazy thing was, this was a memory I think and it was from April. I am sure it's true. 

I'm writing this in "Hathians Chapel of Love" in my Kill Bill do-up. What can I say another slow night and the rains certainly not helping. Its weird being back here, in a lot of ways I think Hathian has been nicer to me than home. Admittedly I never got knife and branded before I got here, but those scars are healing. Plus the people are nicer.

I don't know what came over me, i guess i'd say it was a moment of madness. My mind told me to do it so i followed it, i followed it all the way to grabbing the knife and stabbing myself in the stomach. I despise my mind, i felt so torn inside. After, what must be atleast 4 weeks now, alot of bad stuff has happened to me. I've seen and felt alot in this lifetime but i never expected that my past might creep up and kick me in the ass. And thats what happened when miho's father, the girl who i was friends with in the psychiatric hospital kidnapped me.

   It's been awhile since I turned on the computor to blog. Alot of things to blog about but maybe I will keep this one a bit shorter. Over the last month so much has happened. To start with I guess I should say me and my daughter Cassie are about the same. I been trying to remember everthing but its still so unclear. I looked for old photos and stuff to remind me but seems most of our stuff was destroyed in the storm. Cassie doesn't seem happy about any of it, but I can't lie to her and say I remember either.